The Nightly Quickie

Citigroup to shed thousands of jobs. Must be time for the annual (or anal?) CEO raises.




U.S. can't account for 600,000 foreigner fugitives. Bush Administration says, "Job well done! You fit our policy of not accounting for anything you do. You deserve a raise!"




Oil rises again thanks to tensions caused by Iran. Pink Floyd song "Money" heard playing in the loudspeakers in Tehran as British soldiers were brought in for questioning the other day.




Anna Nicole Smith dies from -- get this -- a drug overdose. Many people seen less shocked than I was when the death story broke.




"You and your smarmy pundits -- and the smarmy pundits you have in your pocket -- can take your war and shove it," Penn said. George Bush heard uttering, "How dare he speak that way to his royal highness!"




Israelis, Palestinians to resume talks. If by "talks" you mean "bombs," then pieces of peace (innocent dead) will be scattered all across the ground till the day these two sides really decide to come to the table.




Feds: No negligence in Tillman death. Are you honestly shocked that the very people investigating this crime are part of the same armed forces branch Tillman was part of? Transparency as clear as mud in this case.




Gonzales aide to invoke Fifth Amendment. Constitutional crisis set to kick into high gear. Nixon's ghost heard laughing near his grave site.