Bush Demands That Iran Halt Production of Long Letters (excerpt):
Days after receiving an 18-page letter from Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President George W. Bush called the lengthy missive "an act of war" and demanded that Iran halt its production of long letters at once.
At the White House, aides said that writing a letter of such length to President Bush, who is known for his extreme distaste for reading, was the most provocative act Mr. Ahmadinejad could have possibly committed.
Bush orders NSA to collect "young, fresh virgins," feeds upon still beating hearts. (excerpt):
From his ranch in Texas, Bush said that he required such sustenance in order to preserve his vitality. Bush claimed that such vitality on his part was demanded by the needs of national security and likewise by a vigorous prosecution of the War on Terror. In response to critics of the executive order, Bush said that he "absolutely" had the authority to order the NSA to round up a supply of young, fresh virgins and that it was "shameful" anyone would question his powers as commander-in-chief. He further denied that this was an exercise of unchecked presidential power.
"If the president needs to consume the still-beating hearts of young, fresh virgins in order to vigorously pursue the War on Terror, then it is within the powers granted him as Commander-in-Chief during wartime," said White House spokesman, Trent Duffy.
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